Word choice of sensory words and figurative language : My Handphone

Sample 9

My Handphone

I have favorite thing, I am always bring this thing everywhere and every time. Of course, I am always use this thing. The thing is small and easy to bring it. The thing is very useful to me to get some information and I can use this thing in danger situation too.

The thing is my handphone. My handphone is Blackberry 8900. I am just bought it a month ago, The phone is sophisticated Because this phone is multifunction, But the special function from this is the internet. We can browsing, download, or get the I capture the moment.

The other interesting from BlackBerry is the camera. The camera is 3.2 Mega pixels and auto focus. I can make on auto focus when 1 capture the moment.

This phone have GPS and maps to help us to find the way and help us to figure out where we are and how to get to where we need to be.

Make application for BlackBerry. Like windows live Messenger, yahoo messenger, BlackBerry messenger and many else.

So this phone is very useful for me and I am very happy to make this phone.

The Generic Structure

A missing introduction can be found in the first paragraph because the thing she is going to describe is not mentioned. It is such a guess.

The thing is my handphone. My handphone is Blackberry 8900. I am just bought it a month ago, The phone is sophisticated because this phone is multifunction, But the special function from this is the internet. We can browsing, download, or get the I capture the moment. (Second paragraph)

In the second paragraph, the student makes a simple paragraph. Moreover, she just gives the information of the general function of her Blackberry which is like report composition.

The other interesting from BlackBerry is the camera. The camera is 3.2 Mega pixels and auto focus. I can make on auto focus when 1 capture the moment.

(Third paragraph)

This phone have GPS and maps to help us to find the way and help us to figure out where we are and how to get to where we need to be. (Fourth paragraph)

The idea is suitably elaborated in the third paragraph. It describes about one of the features of Blackberry, the camera. Unfortunately, the supporting idea is too simple and it is also general.

There are two ideas in the fourth paragraph, GPS and maps. Actually, she describes two ideas mentioned, but she only describes the function of maps.

Make application for BlackBerry. Like windows live Messenger, yahoo messenger, BlackBerry messenger and many else. (Fifth paragraph)

In the fifth paragraph, the student does not describe the object described. It is no organization of ideas. The readers will be confused about what she has written in this paragraph after reading it.

So this phone is very useful for me and I am very happy to make this phone. (Sixth paragraph)

The student ends her descriptive composition with a very simple sentence.